The documents show that when intelligence sweeps of phone and internet communications were changed a few years back as unrest swept the Arab world, one of the words they keyed on was "spring," as in "Arab Spring." To their amazement, intelligence analysts uncovered a massive "spring" movement in the United States that was centered in garden clubs. Even more disturbing was the number of "plots" they were engaged in, many of them targeted at public buildings and densely populated urban areas.
The analysts thought the extent and fervor of the groups warranted extensive monitoring and satellite assets were moved from monitoring the middle east, Russia, Iran and North Korea. The results, again, were chilling. Geraniums, begonias, poppies and other tools of the clubs were creating vast red swaths recalling the worst days of the cold war. The colors white and blue, analysts wrote, were significantly absent.
In one high level briefing before the Senate intelligence committee Arizona Senator John McCain was visibly shaken by the findings. "We saw the devastating impact that Flower Power had on this country once. We cannot let it happen again," he emotionally told the committee.
Snowden said that he would release the data because General Keith Alexander is arguing his surveillance of US phone and internet traffic had stopped dozens of plots. He said that most of those plots involved flower beds outside sensitive public buildings.
"The public has to know this," he said.
—Ed Barnes, reporting from Brooklyn, NY
Let me just say that I personally favor blues, yellows and whites as well as reds, although when you combine white with red and green, you frequently come up with something resembling a Mideastern flag in the spring. Something to keep in mind going forward, not that I would of course plant anything like the aforementioned in any plot, and will insist that if I did, its resemblance to said flags would be purely coincidental. PS: Hi there, NSA guys.
ReplyDeleteBeware of drones bearing insecticide.
ReplyDeleteHey Bill.
ReplyDeleteLets not start mixing programs or we will change your passwords. And anonymous, you aren't fooling us.
The boys at NSA
Big BusyBee BusyBody Brother. . .
DeleteUpdate; Garden Club readers this is required reading.
DeleteNSA finally responded to the story of how Garden Clubs diverted most of America's intelligence resources from troubled spots around the world to affluent suburbs in the United States.
Here is what they say:
"After there was a realization by intelligence agencies that there might be an American Spring happening in our own country there was panic throughout the government and the intelligence agencies. Had they missed another one?
"Those guys didn't see it coming and maybe we didn't either," President Baraka Obama confided in an off the record interview conducted from under the podium at Brandenburg Gate this afternoon, that I am blowing off beacuse it was hot and he took off his jacket and said we were friends.
"Not only were there talks of plots throughout the affluent suburbs of the United States but we had no inkling that they were so organized. And so mean. Have you ever heard what the say about each other? Al Queda's emails were like Hallmark cards compared to them. The Metadata program showed that they talked and communicated with places that sold chemical and biological weapons in codes that our computers, frankly, melted down on. (Yes these places also sold dog food and garden gnomes but we thought that was a front.)
The sophistication of there communication system was also stunning. We thought we owned the farm on cyber security but these suburban plotters beat us, hands down.We are still working on the cicada code.
We instituted bank tracking programs. (no one has asked us about those yet, Phew.) We found the were wealthy and didn't need to raise money. In fact they had lots."
In short Ed, my new friend, you have to understand our position and not write this story. It shows how vulnerable to well organized suburban terror groups. We have beaten Al Queda, Al Shabab, and a dozen others. But Garden Clubs may be our Achilles heel.
How do you deal with these women? he said weaping.
Moreover there was evidence that they had understood they they were under close watch and were color coding messages as part of their plot to communicate outside our monitoring system.
But it was the chemical, biological and organic weapons they referred to that forced us to us to divert all resources back to America.
"we gave weapons to Syrian dissidents because of the use of chemical weapons, now we may have to bomb Connecticut" the president said as he got a helluva lt greyer.
Ed, you're so good at making up the news I think we might as well go with your alternate reality. I'm sick of the same old same old.
ReplyDelete